The metamorphosis of a butterfly is a mysterious event. Even more mysterious is the process of spiritual transformation when God is working in the darkness of one’s inner being. Just as what goes on inside the cocoon during metamorphosis can never be truly observed and studied, neither can anyone ever know the work that God does inside the secret places of a man’s soul.
If the process of the metamorphosis of the butterfly is interrupted at any point, the result will be devastating. Either the butterfly will die or if it survives, its wings will not develop properly and it will be unable to fly.
This is even more true of spiritual transformation. If that process is interrupted, the results are eternally destructive. But thanks be to God who works alone in the darkness. In Him we can “be confident of this, that he who began a good work in [us] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Inside the Cocoon
I once had this dream—I will call it a vision because I still remember it vividly. In my dream/vision, I saw myself as a butterfly larva from inside a cocoon. While I was in the cocoon, I heard voices on the outside discussing what should be done with “that ugly thing.” The voices debated about whether this thing that they were looking at should be destroyed or whether it was even worth the effort to take it down from where it was hanging.
Inside the cocoon, I was screaming to not touch me because I was not ready to come out yet. At some point those who were discussing my fate decided that it wasn’t worth their effort to destroy the cocoon and they walked away.
While still inside the cocoon, I felt this great struggle. My insides were quaking and my heart was beating fast. I felt myself changing, but it was so dark and the inside of the cocoon so tight that I had no idea what was happening.
The struggle was intense and lasted for a long time. I felt myself giving in to the struggle, succumbing to the darkness, feeling like I was going to die inside that cocoon.
A Beautiful Butterfly
Then—a sliver of light broke through. Just a sliver. But that was enough to renew my struggle and I started moving and fighting to break free. Suddenly I was free. All that struggling, and then I was free.
I realized that I had wings and so I tried them out. And they worked! I took flight. As I flew about, I heard gasps and whispers: “Wow, look at that!” “Isn’t that a beautiful butterfly?” “I have never seen a butterfly with those kinds of colors.” “Look at how her wings are catching the light.”
As I flew back and forth, just enjoying the feeling of freedom, I caught a glimpse of an image in a window. I hovered there, marveling at that beautiful creature with the magnificent wings that caught light as they fluttered with gentle power. I stared at the image and was enthralled to see that as I moved, that creature moved too. And then it hit me… That beautiful creature was me. I was the beautiful butterfly with the colorful wings that caught the light and I was the cause of the gasps and whispers.
Empty Cocoon
I flew over to this tree and I saw hanging from a limb this ugly mass that was dry and torn. For some reason, I was drawn to it. As I settled on the limb from which hung the mass, memories of this great struggle quaked through my body. I remembered the darkness and the hopelessness and how I had almost succumbed.
Familiar voices began to speak. Apparently, they too had noticed the mass hanging dead on that limb. I heard them say, “Look at that ugly thing. What was in it?” And this time they decided to remove the mass from the tree and destroy it.
I watched as the empty cocoon was snapped off the limb and unceremoniously dumped into a paper bag that one of them held in his hand. Someone said, “I bet that whatever came out of this must be dead by now.”
At that moment, I took flight again. I fluttered gently over their heads and watched them stare at me in awe. They said, “What a beautiful butterfly. I have never seen colors like those before. Look at how her wings catch the light.”
And I responded in my heart, “Yes! I am here. I survived the struggle. I overcame the darkness. I am beautiful and I am free.”
Vision from God
I knew when I had that dream/vision that God had given me a vision of a metamorphosis, my spiritual transformation, that I was to undergo. I understood that this transformation was going to be lengthy, messy and difficult.
People who saw me going through the process would not understand what was happening. And they were going to judge me based on the outward appearance of the trauma and distress in my life.
But have I clung to this vision over the years because I know that God is faithful and able. My metamorphosis isn’t just an act of nature; it’s an act of Spirit.
God Looks at the Heart
And true to that vision, people who have witnessed the crashes and burns in my life, have judged incorrectly that the wreckage on the outside was a final condition and an indication of what was happening on the inside. But isn’t that what we do? We judge based on outward appearances.
When Samuel was told to go to Jesse to anoint one of his sons to succeed Saul as king of Israel, Samuel saw Eliab and immediately concluded that he must be the Lord’s anointed based on his physical appearance. (He must have been fine!) But God corrected Samuel and said, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Thank God for that! The Lord sees what we don’t see. He knows what He’s doing on the inside even while the outside looks chaotic and rejected. I love Psalm 139:11-12: “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day; for darkness is as light to You.” God sees me. He sees us all in our darkest places.
I See The Light
My spiritual transformation isn’t complete. It will never be completed on this side of life. But I can tell you this: I do see the light; I do see The Light. There is a crack in this cocoon and my wings are straining to break free. And I can feel my strength renewing. I am quaking with the anticipation of my transformation, my freedom. I can hardly wait to fly and hear people say, “What a beautiful butterfly. I have never seen colors like those before. Her wings catch the light.”
And I will respond, “Yes! I am here. I survived the struggle. I overcame the darkness. I am beautiful and I am free.”
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